Author: Gillian Reynolds
“Should I message my ex boyfriend if I miss him?” That’s a question I’m asked on an almost daily basis through emails to my blog.
Women get themselves into an emotional place where they long for their ex boyfriend so much that they just want to reach out to him. To these women, sending a text message seems like a safe way to let their ex know they miss him. The problem is that if you’re sending that message when you’re feeling overwhelmed with feelings of missing him, he’s going to be able to read between the lines. He’ll see your true motivation and you’ll actually be in a worse position than you were before the break up.
Let me explain this a bit more. When a woman goes through a particularly painful break up with a man she utterly adores, her heart gets stuck in a difficult place. She can’t move on because she loves him so desperately and she can’t seem to find the way back to him. Her life feels as though it’s in limbo, so naturally she wants to find a way to move it along. Reaching out to him seems like the logical step to take so she crafts a message that says something along the lines of, “Hi. I miss you and can’t live without you.” Her better judgement walks out of the room while she sends the message and then she waits for a promising response. When none arrives, she feels more desperate than she did before.
The advice I always offer to women who feel inclined to message their ex boyfriend is take a breather for a few moments and then revisit the idea. I believe it’s best to put your phone down and go do something else. Maybe you can meet a friend for a coffee, or you can go to a movie. Find something to shift your focus for at least an hour or two. Then come back to the idea of sending that message to your ex boyfriend. Chances are very good that by then the overwhelming need to message him will have passed and you’ll feel stronger again.
It’s also very important that you don’t heed the advice of girlfriends who tell you to send your ex boyfriend a message that looks as though it was intended for another person. This may seem very sneaky, but it’s actually incredibly transparent. If you send your ex boyfriend a message that says something like, “I had a great time last night,” or “Josh is so cute” (if your ex boyfriend’s name is anything other than Josh), you’re demonstrating how immature you really are. He’s going to know the instant he reads it what you’re up to and he won’t be impressed by it. He may actually become so annoyed by your childish antics that he’ll delete your number from his phone altogether.
About the Author
That’s not to say that there isn’t an appropriate time to message your ex boyfriend. There actually is. However, it’s important that you understand what you need to say to him and when you need to say it. You can learn more about what I mean by that here.
You really can’t throw caution to the wind when you want a man to come back to you. It’s all about insight, strategy and hitting the right emotional triggers within him.